Overcoming Fear (Growing Pains #2) Read online

  It killed the mood instantly.

  Sean backed off, relenting, allowing her to push his body back a step. Then he felt like he got sprayed with artic water.

  Krista’s face was devoid of color, her hands in front of her chest as though she expected violence and might need to cover her face or protect her body. Her body hunched, fear-stricken, as she backed against the wall, cowering from him. In this state of fear, some people ran or tried to fight back. She cringed, trying to make herself as small as possible; trying to disappear so as not to receive his rage.

  It didn’t take a genius to realize he’d triggered something from her past. Like that day she flinched from his supportive hand, she was reliving a past horror and applying it to him. Inadvertently, he’d put up another road block, all because he couldn’t keep control around her.

  Sean took two hasty steps backwards, bumping against the door frame. He tried to lean in a relaxed sort of way, hoping to make light of the whole thing. Hoping to joke it away, like at the winery. Or with the biting episode. He was out of his league with this one; he didn’t know how to help.

  “Sorry about that. Got carried away,” he gave a grin he didn’t feel.

  Krista stared at him with fear-drenched eyes for another long beat. It seemed like she was wondering if he would turn aggressive, which was just absurd. He’d never hit a woman, or rough her up in any way. He’d spent his life protecting his sister, for crying out loud.

  But Krista didn’t know that. She wasn’t in the same room as him. He didn’t know where she was, but he did know that whatever happened to her in the past was some bad, bad shit. Life-altering. His pride felt a little easier about all the rejections. His logic got worried—there was more involved than just working closer and finally getting that promise he’d been after throughout their whole existence together. She was not a woman to mess with; to dick around as was his default setting. She’d been through too much without his efforts.

  With that damning thought rolling around in his head, Krista unrolled from her curled ball of fear and gingerly stepped to her desk, where she made herself busy shutting off her computer and putting everything away. She didn’t speak.

  “Are you okay?” he asked, deciding joking wasn’t the right way out of this.

  She shrugged and nodded at the same time, not meeting his eyes. “I’m stupid. Sorry about that.”

  Sean straightened up slowly, confusion seeping into his awareness by her response. He could see her effort not to cry.

  “Don’t be sorry. I was the one coming on to you. I’m sorry about that. I saw boob and turned into a man.” He smiled again, willing her to make light of this. To turn back into the sassy woman he’d grown to admire.

  She paused as she stowed her calculator and glanced down at her chest. Sean was careful not to follow her gaze. “Oh,” Krista shook her head. “Yeah. Sorry about that. I shouldn’t have led you on.”

  Sean’s gut tightened in extreme discomfort, speechless.

  “Anyway, I’m ready,” Krista grabbed a sweatshirt and quickly zipped it up to her neck.

  “Krista... I… Look, I crossed a line just there. I’m sorry about that. You certainly didn’t lead me on. Forgive me, but I’m not sure what’s happening right now.”

  Krista blinked and looked up at him dazedly, eyes haunted. She was lost and confused.

  “Are you okay?” Sean asked again, quietly.

  Tears overwhelmed her eyes and she sagged against the desk. She shook her head and breathed deeply. “Sorry Sean. I truly am. This is what I was talking about at the barbecue. I’m destroyed. My past… I just overreact sometimes. I scare easily. It isn’t your fault. Just… let’s forget about it, if you don’t mind.”

  “Yeah, sure. Of course.”

  “I’m just… a bit stupid at times. Sorry. I have a lot of landmines.”

  “No problem. We all do.”

  Krista gave a self-depreciating laugh, “Yeah, right. Let’s go. I can have a pity party later.”

  This was a key moment. Sean should say something to take her mind off of things. He didn’t know exactly what was bogging her down, but he could be a hero and save her right here.

  He thought hard for an antidote as they entered the elevator. Finally he came up with, “You know what was the final button to get Jacob fired?”

  “Uh…?” Krista looked up at him in bewilderment.

  “He had a stack of emails from five different girls in his desk. Of their emails. Personal emails. They were in a binder. One of the emails was from you to me. About that first presentation you did, remember? Five girls and one guy—me.”

  “I was one of the girls?”

  Sean mentally flinched. Great job, Superman. Way to take her mind off of weird guys and creepy things. Tell her Jacob was stalking her.

  “Um,” Sean stalled.

  “He had a file on you?” Krista was half smiling. “Was he in love with you?”

  Sean let her exit the elevator in front of him, “Seems like it.”

  “Did I tell you that Jasmine snuck into the computer room and put gum in his seat?”

  Sean tripped, “What? How?”

  Krista laughed as Sean opened her car door. “She pretended she was a temp. She carried her monitor in. She put three pieces of gum on his chair. Apparently it ruined his best pair of pants.”

  “Did he know who it was?”

  “He suspected a great many people, actually,” she smirked.

  “Kate and Jasmine are a kick in the pants,” Sean said, trying to keep the conversation going.

  “Kick in the dome, more like. They are pretty loyal. Jasmine did it because she heard he’d gone through my emails. She didn’t have enough time to plan her own revenge.”

  “Loyalty is good.”

  “Yes, Dr. Freud, it is.”

  They passed into silence for a second until Sean couldn’t help himself. “Look, Krista, I am sorry about earlier.”

  Out of the corner of his eye he saw her shrug, “Eh. It wasn’t really your fault.”

  “What was it I did? Was it getting too close?”

  “I don’t really want to talk about it.”

  “No problem. I completely understand. I just don’t want to do again. I’ve kissed you before and you reacted…differently.”

  Krista laughed. “That’s a nice way of putting it. It’s just…it’s nothing. I’m just…”

  “It was something. I did something.”

  Krista looked out the window.

  “I didn’t push at you very hard,” she said after a moment of contemplation. “Which was my mistake. At first I didn’t really want you to move away, so I gave you a mixed message. But you not yielding short-circuited my brain. I unraveled from there. It wasn’t your fault.”

  “Please stop saying that, Krista.”

  “Okay, it was all your fault, and I hold you totally accountable.”

  “Now that I am used to hearing.”

  “Maybe you shouldn’t be.” Krista was still looking out the window. Sean looked at her with wide eyes. She was dead serious.

  Sean didn’t know what to say, and into his speechlessness, she changed the subject. “How is the rest of my department dealing with bringing on two new people? Have you heard?”

  “From what I’ve heard, they’re pleased that the company realizes how much work they have, and finally got them some help.”

  “And what do the big bosses say?”

  “They’re wondering why we still employ people like Mr. Montgomery and his minions.”

  “Am I included in that?”

  “No, you are now the model of who they think should be in your department. The secret is finally, officially out.”

  “Oh great, so I’ll have a workload that dramatically outweighs my pay grade. Lucky me.”

  “Yes, that is still a problem. The good news is, the big bosses, as you call them, first heard about you from Mr. Hartling. It made them mad that they didn’t know about you first.”

  �
��How is that good?”

  “It meant that they needed to get familiar with your work so they knew what was being praised. In other words, they were focusing on the positive, and ignoring the negative. If you had asked for a raise before you were noticed, it would have been the opposite.”

  “So, as long as I keep up with excellence, I’ll be endeared?”

  “Basically, yes.”

  “Oh good, that is much better, yeah. Too much work for my pay plus pressure for perfection.”

  “You could still be working in a dark hole as a bored representative of a department no one wants to talk to...”

  “And you could be still trying to find your way into the client’s back pocket.”

  He was quiet for a moment, “Sounds like we’re lucky we found each other, then.”

  “Too bad soon the student will outstrip the teacher...”

  “Dream on Geek Girl. You are a far cry from my caliber!” he laughed.

  “Okay, well…” She opened the door and stuck her foot out.

  Sean got the distinct impression she was trying to get away. She blamed herself for earlier; it was riding her. This was a pivotal moment. If she walked away like this, she would never come back. He knew it as well as he knew his own name.

  “Beach in thirty? Same spot?” Sean said firmly. He was not planning to let that happen.

  Krista shook her head, then looked at her watch. Her shoulders heaved with a suppressed sigh.

  “Exercise will make you feel better,” Sean pushed.

  She looked back into the car, analyzing again, calculating. She was getting herself back online. “Alright. Thirty.”

  She shut the door and slowly went inside. Sean got out of there before she could change her mind.

  ~*~*~*~

  As Krista got to the beach, tears still unshed but feeling better after having talked to Kate, she saw Sean waiting in the usual spot. He turned around as she walked up behind him and gave her a quick scan.

  “Ready?”

  Krista nodded, still self-conscious about her freak-out earlier. It seemed as though Jim had made it impossible for intimacy. While she didn’t have one episode with Paul, she had to admit she hadn’t invested too much. Her time with him had all been on the surface of her emotions, never scratching deep.

  It was extremely disconcerting, then, that Sean had easily reached the danger area and they weren’t even involved. Or, they weren’t supposed to be, anyway.

  Could nothing ever go her way?

  Tendrils of white drifted by, making the beach look like the set of a horror movie. A couple of people ran or walked their dogs along the debris-cluttered sand, but largely the two-mile stretch along the ocean was deserted.

  Sean waited in running sweats that hugged his athletic legs, and a white T-shirt that didn’t adequately hug his torso. When she showed up, he didn’t allow her time to dwell. He immediately started running, going as fast as he could sustain, and not mentioning once the fact that a girl was beating him.

  After that it went the same as before; all things muscle Sean completed without much fuss. It was all based on one’s body weight; push-ups, sit-ups, squats. When they were done, Krista was panting with fatigue and he was mildly put out.

  When they were nearing the end of the routine, the sun was nearly touching the ocean. The only reason they knew this was because the eerie, foggy light was dimming rapidly. No one was out to watch the sunset. The locals realized they wouldn’t be able to see it, and the tourists must have taken the hint.

  Krista stripped off her soaked shirt, mostly wet from fog juice rather than sweat, and sauntered down the beach in her sports bra and yoga pants. Sean followed suit, both of them mopping their faces, and both indiscriminately checking the other out. Krista could just make out Sean’s smile with her peripheral vision. Obviously he knew she was checking him out as he was her, and thought it just as funny. Neither of them commented.

  They went through the yoga poses again, which were the same as the last time. Krista still hadn’t been to a yoga class to learn more. This time, surprisingly, Sean had the easier ones down, and was a great deal better at the harder ones.

  “You’ve been practicing,” Krista accused, definitely feeling better about her life after the run.

  “I couldn’t have you drowning. Been running, too.”

  “Just can’t stand someone beating you at something, huh?”

  “I’ve not really had a lot of experience with it, no.”

  She laughed at him.

  “It could be worse I suppose,” he said as he attempted to balance with this right foot resting on the inside of his left thigh. “You could be stronger as well as faster and prettier.”

  Krista gave him a “hmmm” at his flattery. It was hard to tell if it was true or autopilot. She let out a cleansing breath as she focused and balanced her body in the final yoga pose. She centered herself, gathered herself, and felt peace within herself. She could love Sean in an asexual way. There was no need to get physically involved. She could love herself in the same way. She didn’t need to have it all—she just needed to find peace somewhere.

  When she opened her eyes, the sun was tucking its light into the belt of the horizon. The sky was lit in fire and ice filtered through shifting bursts of white. Krista noticed Sean was staring at her. His taut body fully faced her, his large hands at his sides, his eyes lost to shadow. The pull of him was so strong she wavered where she stood, desperate to keep herself from taking those two steps and letting him put his hands on her. This wasn’t his tricks. He was radiating an animalistic hunger. A hunger to mate; to pick her up where she stood and take her back to his bed. To consume her. To be consumed.

  “Shall we?” she asked, her voice distant and hoarse.

  Sean started, not realizing he was staring at her like a poor man at a treasure map, and nodded, taking two big steps toward home before stopping himself. He waited for her to catch up, and then kept pace back to the path that would take her home.

  “Okay, well...” Krista said, taking a step toward her house.

  “If you aren’t doing anything, how about dinner?”

  Krista could have sworn he sounded nervous. For a man with the ability to drip charm from his every word, he sounded like a lost little boy. But then, he might have been worried she’d freak out again. He wasn’t the only one.

  She just shrugged, “Your house or mine?”

  “Mine.”

  They went back to his house and called for Thai food. Neither of them wanted to talk about work so instead they sat on the couch and debated which movie to watch. They finally chose an action movie. It was free, it was on, and it didn’t take any brain power.

  Throughout the movie, Krista could tell he wasn’t paying attention. Something was distracting him. He didn’t even notice her watching him, which wasn’t usual. She heard his phone vibrate a couple times, and after he checked the caller, he silenced it.

  As far as she knew, there were two big issues in his life at that moment. One was getting the account, and the other was Monica badmouthing and stalking him. Being that Sean would never silence a call from Tory, and also his jaw clenched when he saw the name, she figured it was the latter.

  “It really bothers you, huh?” she asked.

  “What’s that?” he asked, snapping out of his current reverie. His eyes were a vivid green. Piercing. They pinned her to the couch. Heat rose and spiraled out of that look. Krista’s body quivered in response, sweat pricking her brow, wetness in her crotch. Something was going on with Sean emotionally. Intense waves of desire seemed to be crashing over him. He looked at Krista not like he needed saving, but like he wanted to drag her in with him. To drown her in whatever he was feeling. The urge to let him take her was so strong she barely stopped herself from opening her legs and begging for it.

  “M-Monica,” she stammered, starting to feel slightly uncomfortable.

  Sean’s eyes caught her stammer and parted lips, misread the cause, and his strength of
will magnified. She saw his hunger plainly. His want.

  Danger! Her brain screamed.

  Flashbacks of her life in Seattle came crashing down. Like that cold ocean wave, she was unexpectedly dragged under the icy waters of memory. Her ex-boyfriend Jim was as good as they came at enchanting women. Better than Sean. Sean at least had a human core. He was a gentleman when it counted. There was a goodness about him that not even his sexual exploits could tarnish.

  Jim had no goodness. At heart he was a mean, emotionally train-wrecked, manipulative bastard who hid his true self behind a glamorous, charming façade. Before Krista ever got to know the real him, she was reeled in by his charisma. He was older, out of college—he’d lied when he said he’d gone--which made him seem more sophisticated. Besides that, though, he just had a way about him. The way he looked at her, the way he whispered her name, the way his body leaned over her and claimed her. Not to mention tall, dark and incredibly handsome with a hint of danger.

  In the beginning she’d thought of him as a reformed bad boy. He was irresistible, and everyone who knew her was jealous that she got him. That was in the beginning. That was when he was trying to woo her, when he was being gentle, but just that little bit wild. He was desperate to have her, but still gave her the control. He was mad to throw her under him and take her, but waited for the green light to do so.

  And it was exciting when it happened the first couple times. When she’d finally given in to him. When he loved her with all his heart, treated her well, and said he’d be with her forever. She liked getting down and dirty with him, doing it all over the city, waking up to a sexual maniac who was just that little bit too rough, but still yielded to her if she pushed back.

  It was after she was firmly under his thumb that the sadism came to the forefront, and he took all the control away. He held it all. With his emotional manipulation and physical abuse, he trapped and held her in a prison of fear. That was when he advanced on her even when she didn’t want it. When he threw her under him even when she was crying from the pain of his version of foreplay. It was when he struck her down, then took her.