Sin & Spirit (Demigods of San Francisco Book 4) Read online

  A part that would now set matters to rights for him, no matter how much it hurt.

  “Is that what this is about?” he asked softly.

  I took a deep breath, trying to stay above the pettiness of jealousy. “No. It’s not about that. It’s just… What happens when you meet the next Demigod? Or when I botch another important deal…” My voice caught and I gritted my teeth again.

  “I can feel you suffering, Alexis, so as much as I would like to help you laugh about all this, I’ll reassure you instead. I know how that must’ve looked, and I probably should’ve talked to you about it first, but I assumed I’d still be reachable. That do-not-disturb sign never applies to you. Not ever. You should’ve been put through when you called earlier. I wrongly thought my assistant knew that. That was my fault, and for that, I deeply apologize. But baby, even if I had gotten carried away, you would’ve felt it through the soul link. Or the blood link. You have various ways of checking up on me, and we both know if I ever did something foolish, your wards would burn my house down while you showed up at my office in person to kill me.”

  I wiped away a tear before it dripped off my chin.

  “Today was business,” he said. “I used her emotions to manipulate her. This time, her emotions were centered on lust, so I gave her the charm and intimacy she craved. Faux intimacy, in my case. For someone else, I might need to be excessively brutal. Yet another leader may be swayed by deals and trading. To manipulate properly, I need to be what they expect me to be. I need to use their expectations against them. My father made sure I was trained for this. He trained me to be unemotional when I played this game. It’s not pretty, but I’m extremely good at it. Which I doubt you understand, because you’re the only one who has ever seen through my bullshit. You’re the only one I can’t manipulate to get what I want. With you, I have to be genuine. I have to earn it.”

  I closed my eyes, feeling the distant tide pull at me. Feeling Kieran pull at me.

  “It isn’t pretty, no, but it is your job,” I said. “And I don’t have a clue how to help you do your job. I don’t have a clue how to fit into your life, Kieran. I…” My lips trembled and tears tracked down my cheeks. “I wish I did, honest to God. But I’m a hindrance, and I know it. It has been well documented that I am a j-joke.”

  “Alexis Price, you are anything but a joke,” Kieran said in a hard tone.

  Sobs bubbled up, my embarrassment from the last few months spilling over.

  “Look, I know who I’m not. I’m not refined. I’m not classy. I’m not from money and I don’t know the first thing about pretending to be.” My voice rose. “I mean, what Demigod’s girlfriend, or even fuck buddy, can’t dress herself? I don’t fit into your life outside of this house, Kieran, that’s the long and short of it. My kids don’t fit. Hell, one’s not even magical. Being misfits in your organization made sense when you were on the outskirts of the magical world. But now that you’re a ruler, we’re weighing you down. We’ll make you a laughingstock if we haven’t already. You didn’t even mean to mark me. Eventually that’ll get out and make us both look silly.” I let out a shaky sigh. “This isn’t working. I think it’s time…” I had to stop speaking to force back the sobs. “It’s time we let this go. This thing we have has run its course. I’ll take the kids into hiding and you can get on with your life.”

  I hugged myself, hardly believing I’d actually said the words. Worse, that I intended to go through with them.

  “I’m not sure how to handle this,” he said after a quiet moment.

  I shrugged. “It’s not you, it’s me. And probably for the first time ever, that is actually the truth. Just let me go—”

  “No, I meant I’m not sure how to handle this—should I laugh? I can feel your pain, so you actually believe this is the right thing for me, but it’s killing you…so is calling you an idiot out of line? Bitch-slapping some sense into you isn’t my style… Should I get Bria to do it? Or maybe Daisy? Because I doubt Daisy agrees with any of this. That kid wouldn’t go quietly, that’s for sure.”

  “She’ll see reason. And please don’t joke. Don’t make this harder than it already is.”

  Kieran sighed, but, thankfully, he didn’t move closer. I didn’t think I could hold firm if he did.

  “Alexis, I know the last few months have gotten to you. They would’ve gotten to anyone. Literally anyone. Demigods and people of influence have training for all this—”

  “For magic, yeah, but not for dressing yourself.”

  “Even for dressing myself. I’ve had tailors steering me since I was a child. My mother was a harsh critic, because she had to be. Now you know why. I’ve been taught how to dress and act my whole life. How could you possibly think you’d get it right out of the gate?”

  “But—”

  “No. Your pity party has gone on long enough. My turn. I didn’t mean to mark you the first time, that’s true. It was my natural reaction to you. And I will absolutely let that be known when the right time comes.”

  “What? Why? I’ll look like a—”

  “Because it’ll prove I had no ulterior motive. It’ll prove that your magic wasn’t the reason for my mark. Those that aren’t in the know might sneer and snicker, and you’ll probably return to the tabloids—”

  “Return? I’ve never left.”

  “—but those that do understand, the Demigods, for example, will feel the impact. They will know that my desire to protect you is not superficial. That I marked you because I couldn’t help myself. If they ever try to tear us apart because of that mark, this will ensure they have no grounds to do so.”

  I remembered that Demigods had traditionally applied their mark to people they wanted to put dibs on. They’d used it as a brand, denoting certain people as theirs, whether that person was a king, a mate, or a slave. The practice of claiming in that capacity was now illegal.

  Kieran had already worked out what he’d do if people accused him of illegally marking me in order to make me less desirable to the other Demigods. He was prepared to protect me in ways I didn’t even know he needed to.

  More tears slipped out and I bit my lip.

  “No, I didn’t mean to do it that first time, but I’ve meant to mark you every single time since. I bet you can’t even count the number of times I’ve sizzled my magic across your skin. I even proposed to you, remember? Yes, the timing was more romantic in my head than in reality, but I still meant every word. And when I try again, hoping to catch you in the right mood, I’ll mean it then, too.”

  I shook my head, my warming heart at war with my logic, love dizzying my mind. I couldn’t open my mouth, not sure what I’d say.

  “That meeting today went exactly how I’d hoped. I purposely kept you in the dark. I instructed Bria and the guys not to coach you. And you shone like a star. You threw shade you didn’t even know you were throwing.” I could hear the pride and humor in his voice. “It was perfect. I escorted you out because your part of the symphony was complete. If I’d explained all this, it would’ve ruined what I’d been going for. And that’s my fault. What you’re feeling right now is my fault. I apologize for that. As for your not helping me lead…” He chuckled softly. “You might not see the bigger picture yet, but you’re doing more than helping me lead. You’re shaping my image. You’re giving me goodwill with the people.”

  I startled, no clue what he was talking about.

  “If you remember,” he said, “I never said you needed to work at the government office. You don’t have to work at all—most Demigods’ wives or husbands don’t. Girlfriends either, before you bring that up. As long as you’re happy, it makes no difference to me. But you picked your own office in the bowels of the building and built various charities with moderate budgets that are making me look like a ruler for the people while still being fiscally responsible. You’re kicking ass in a meaningful way and you don’t even realize it.” His footsteps whispered across the rug. His arms came around my middle and he pulled me tightly against his c
hest. “Right after everything went down with my father, do you remember what I told you?”

  Unable to help myself, I snuggled into him, my mind still whirling. My resolve eroding. I was supposed to be doing the right thing and setting him free. Cutting the anchor. The whole situation was going tits up.

  “I told you I’d sort things out, and then we’d move on. That we’d go shopping in France, visit my castle in Ireland—I gave you the idea that we’d be free. And then I took a leadership job and chained you here. That’s why I’ve left you largely to your own devices. I let you get your feet wet, then go running. Literally. I framed that tabloid picture of you with the red shoes, by the way. It’s on my desk. I was in stitches.”

  I pushed to get out of his arms, but he held me put.

  “The way you’re feeling now is my fault.” He nuzzled into my neck. “All of it. You have an incredibly rare and potent magic. Everyone is curious about you. They’re all dying to see you in action. Dine at your table. Lock you up on their staffs. I wanted you to blast the first Demigod to come through here. I wanted you to make a statement, then I wanted you to waltz out, as you do, seemingly without a care in the world. So what are you bringing to this relationship? Your love, your wit, your ability to put me in my place, and your unwavering, open-minded support. What are you bringing to my rulership? Resources for the people and a terrifying magic that makes me look damn cool. They’re calling me an upstart, a child, but they aren’t doing it to my face. Why?”

  “Because Demigods lack a sense of humor?”

  “Because you’ve got my back, and no one wants to mess with you. I’m not just an upstart Demigod—I’m an upstart with an ace in the hole. I have a woman that cannot be bought, cannot be dazzled with charm or lured away with extravagant gifts. A woman I can trust with my empire and my heart. I’m not starting at the bottom. Not with you beside me. Nancy placed you higher on the status scale than a level five. Than her whole prized staff of level fives, actually. She was trying to fight for her placement over me, but it took very little convincing to make her step down.” He paused for a moment. “Notice I didn’t say kneel down? My fly was closed, that’s why.”

  I huffed out a laugh through the tears, most of them heartfelt and happy. Some inspired by the trigger that had caused this epic spiral.

  The fear from earlier welled up. Might as well get it all on the table.

  8

  Alexis

  “I called the last Spirit Walker today,” I admitted. Kieran stiffened behind me. “Before you get mad, we tried to call you. You were…busy.”

  “You should’ve been able to get through. Jack and Boman should’ve thought to call the other guys. Bria should’ve thought to call Zorn. The whole thing was a clusterfuck. I let you down. In fact, maybe we should break up. I’m not good enough to be your man if my people can’t play a simple game of telephone. Yeah, let’s break up.” He squeezed me as he paused for a beat. “Too soon?”

  I leaned my head back against his shoulder. “I am trying to break up with you.”

  “No you’re not. You’re trying to work through a few tough issues and doing some terrible problem solving. And just so you know, I was bored in there with Nancy today. The woman is clueless and her secrets are largely useless. I got a couple of nuggets and a few leads, but I couldn’t work around to who sent her, and it doesn’t seem like anyone trusts her. I could’ve used your call. So what happened?”

  “I succeeded in summoning the Soul Stealer. I had to go really far in to get to him.”

  He slowly blew out a breath, and I could tell and feel that he was trying for calm.

  “We have the same magic, but he dominated me. I couldn’t get away from my own magic. I didn’t know how to fight back. I just forced him back to where I got him. Or tried. He dragged me in with him. I struggled away, but then…I got lost. It was hazy and confusing. I felt like a sailboat in the middle of the sea with no direction and no wind. I was stuck. Unmoored. But then I grabbed what felt like an anchor—I think it was our soul connection—and used that to pull myself back out.” I rubbed the back of my hand across my eyes, angrily wiping away the wetness. I pushed out of his arms. “I don’t know what I’m doing, Kieran. I don’t know how to get better. But there’s more to this magic, I know it. More than just ripping out souls and creating obedient zombies. More than war. It can be used for a more noble cause. I need to believe that.”

  I rounded on him, wanting to punch him for no reason. Maybe just punch anything. “But how the hell am I going to find out? If my dad knows about me, he probably wants to kill me. The others want to use me as a weapon. Your new girlfriend doesn’t have the answer with her kind of magic, and I have nowhere else to turn but a more experienced murderer that can flip me end over end in the spirit realm.”

  By the end I was panting, and Kieran was staring at me.

  Silence hung between us as I watched the ocean churn in its endless loops beyond the cliffs.

  “Did you like the necklace?” he asked. “I had it designed for you.”

  My eyebrows crawled up my forehead and I blinked at him for a moment. “Did you hear any of what I said? I’m shit at my magic, I nearly killed myself today, and I don’t have one fucking clue what to do about it!”

  A smile brightened his eyes and he closed the distance between us.

  “You’ve got fire and determination. You can overcome the impossible. We’ll figure it out, I promise you. We’ll call the Spirit Walker again, and this time, I’ll be on hand to lend you some might. He might be a strong spirit, but I am a Demigod. He won’t dominate you a second time.”

  I dropped my head to his chest. “It’s like a fairytale, the way you always save me, but honestly, when do I get to be the strong guy?”

  “You turned the tide in my war against my father, fought him off when he was about to kill me, and saved the day. I’d say I’ve done my fair share of being the mansel in distress. You gotta let me swing my dick around once in a while or I might just get a complex.”

  I laughed and snaked my arms around his middle. When I tilted my face up to him, he bent down to kiss me.

  “I absolutely loved the necklace,” I murmured against his lips. “I have some ideas on how to thank you, but I’m actually trying to break up with you first, so…”

  “Break up with me next time you freak out. I’m famished. Let’s eat dinner. Nancy was sucking on strawberries all afternoon and it really put me off eating. Do you want to eat here…or with the others?”

  “Is Jack cooking?”

  “Roasted chicken and all the fixin’s.”

  “We’re definitely going over there.”

  He sighed, kissed me in a way that curled my toes, and put an arm around my shoulder, ushering me out. “Good. I’m tired. I didn’t feel like making something.”

  “I like that you assume you’d be cooking, because I definitely wasn’t going to.”

  “Isn’t the rule that if it’s my house, I cook, and if it is your house, you cook?”

  He paused in the kitchen and pulled away so he could lower the blinds. Good thought. After last night, I needed to do that in my house.

  “No,” I said. “The rule is, if it’s your house, you cook, and if it is my house, one of your guys cooks.”

  He laughed and rejoined me, leading me toward the door. “Or Bria.”

  “She’s banned from the stove. She’s burned too many dinners. And lunches. And once the breakfast.”

  “On purpose. She’s actually an excellent cook.”

  I laughed. That sounded about right. She was better than me at getting out of things. “Are you going to fill the guys in on that?”

  “Oh, they know. That’s why they had her cook a few times instead of just the once. But when it turned out she’d rather accept my displeasure and eat burned food than cook for that many hungry guys, well…”

  “She’s a smart girl.”

  “Very. Listen, I was thinking…” He paused when we stepped outside into the cris
p night, like he was waiting for something.

  “What is it?” I asked into the hush.

  He shook his head and started forward again. “Thought I heard something. I was thinking…I never stay at my house anymore.”

  “I know. Look, I’m sorry about that. It’s just that Zorn’s training is turning Daisy into a terror. Just the other night I caught her trying to set a tripwire at the top of the stairs for Mordecai. She’s gotten out of hand. As soon as she gets a clue, I swear we can stay at your house again.”

  “No, it’s not that.” He stopped again on the sidewalk, his eyes roaming my empty grass. “Where’s Frank?”

  “After the fifth time I sent him rolling through a bunch of houses and streets, he got the hint that I need a break from him.”

  “Why? What did he do?”

  “Tried to convince me that it was okay for you to cheat but not okay for me to retaliate.”

  Kieran froze and looked down at me for a long moment.

  “The last Soul Stealer was on the handsome side. Frank thought I was bringing him back to…you know,” I said.

  Kieran’s brow pinched. “Can you do that with a spirit?”

  “I’d never thought about it, and now I’m afraid to ask.”

  A minute soul bleeped on my radar, but it wasn’t a human. An animal, it had to be. Their souls weren’t as complex, though they did pulse nearly the same. The creature was ambling in the trees beyond my house.

  Kieran walked me to my door but didn’t reach for the handle. “It’s just that we spend every evening and night together. It seems silly to have two houses. It might be better, for a few reasons, if you and the kids and I all had just one place. Maybe closer to town. Nearer the guys and Bria.”

  I’d just tried to break up with the guy, and he was asking me to move in with him? We were both cracked. Still, I could barely contain my excitement. He was certainly getting the short end of the stick, but he didn’t seem to mind. Given my feelings for him, I didn’t want to push too hard. It was a complete role reversal from when we’d first gotten together. At first, he’d tried to push me away, convinced he was too much like his father to make a relationship work. Now, I’d taken on that role.