Overcoming Fear (Growing Pains #2) Read online

  Ray turned to him slowly, not quite sure what to say. In fairness, Sean did sound slightly insane.

  Sean smiled and told the whole story—everything Ben had relayed, including how long it took, the slow realization of what all the pieces meant, and all the things he alluded to, like Krista’s past being somewhat dark and disturbed.

  “So she has been purposely steering clear in order to avoid repeated past mistakes…” Ray said quietly. “She’s a smart girl.”

  “You don’t need to rub it in.”

  “Her hesitancy is good for you. Always getting what you want was never good for anybody.”

  “So you keep saying.”

  “But you wanted the picture before you knew it was her?”

  “It’s not a picture. It’s an abstract painting. There are no real images, or faces, or…abstract Ray. Like the one you have in your hallway. The purple one.”

  “Oh. Huh.”

  “Why did this not sound crazy when Ben was describing it?”

  “Because Ben usually sounds intelligent and you sound absurd.”

  “Trust me, it’s impossible not to like the thing. You’ll see. I have the perfect place to hang it.”

  “Her friends have made you…”

  “Weird?”

  Ray smiled. “Insightful. Loosened you up somewhat, as well. They are an interesting group of people.”

  “Fun, though.”

  “Very. Free spirits, one and all. I haven’t talked with them long, but I worry that they won’t take this project seriously.”

  “They’ll follow Krista’s lead. They worked with her in school. I’ve seen some of the things Kate can churn out—it is Krista-quality work. Jasmine has a definite creative edge to her, which will help. She thinks outside the box—“

  “I hate that saying. It’s overused.”

  “—and they both did well in school. When they have to be turned over to James Montgomery, I doubt they’ll do much, but that’s not my problem.”

  “When they have to be turned over to James Montgomery no one will get work out of them. He won’t let that happen.”

  “It’s a waste.”

  “I think that will be about the time Krista walks away. And despite your selfishness, you should encourage her to do so. She is capable of great things, but not in that company.”

  “What are you, Ray, a doomsday parade?”

  “Just thinking outside the box…”

  ~*~*~*~

  Krista entered the back door of the house, which was decorated with a million knickknacks lined up everywhere, including more than a few cow figurines, and found herself in the kitchen. If it was a party with people her own age, she’d just seek out the bathroom. With adults, she thought she’d better ask. They were liable to think she was trying to steal something.

  Before she could ask the two women chatting idly by the kitchen sink, a woman with shoulder-length, reddish hair swooped down on her with a smile.

  “Hello.” She was about Krista’s height, a little pudgy, and about Ray’s age. “I don’t believe I’ve had the pleasure. I’m Mary, Ray’s wife.”

  “Hi! I’m Krista. I work with Ray.”

  “So you’re Krista! Oh my gosh, I’ve heard so much about you! Ray and Sean are just delighted with you—Sean especially, of course. Not many women find their way to his heart. He’s a good boy, but all the women seem to be after his looks or his money, you know? But I must say, you are every bit as pretty as he described! I thought he must be exaggerating, but no, I can see he was right. Which means you must be as smart, too!”

  Krista stared dumbly. She didn’t know what to say. With a guy like Sean, that really just meant he wanted to get her naked. But the way she said it, and pointing out his heart…it was confusing. It wasn’t like the guy she knew. The womanizer side of the guy she knew. The guy who had slept his way through the company, and finally come up against someone who said no. That guy was pulling out all the stops, including tricking her into going on a date. What Mary was saying just didn’t add up.

  Krista covered her unease by smiling. She didn’t want to make anyone feel awkward. “Mary, I was wondering where the bathroom was?”

  “Oh, look at me going on and on and you just trying to find the bathroom!” She laughed again and ushered Krista out of the kitchen. They didn’t go far to find a bathroom with a seashell theme.

  “Here you are, darling. You just let me know if you need anything. And I look forward to chatting more!”

  Krista walked in to do her thing, her brain whirling. She didn’t believe it. It had to be some charade. If it had been Monica who walked into the house, Krista was sure Mary would have said very similar things. Monica was the one who actually got him in the end, after all. And Sean thought she was all kinds of pretty. And great at her job. More so, obviously—he was fairly open in his regard for her.

  Krista emerged from the house and found Sean where she left him, though now he was talking with Ray. As soon as Ray saw her, he jumped up. “Do you need anything?”

  “You and Mary sure know how to host.” Krista laughed. “No, I’m good. Thanks.”

  Ray nodded and walked away, asking someone else what they needed.

  Sean met Krista’s eyes, then drew her in.

  “Want to go for a walk?” he asked.

  She shrugged.

  They walked off toward the side of the house, then to the front. She purposely didn’t glance at Kate or Jaz. She knew this was a bad idea, she didn’t need the confirmation on their faces.

  “Why did you invite me here today, Sean?” she asked, looking up to catch his eyes.

  “I wanted to get to know you outside of work.”

  “Why?”

  “Because… You are interesting. I wanted to meet your friends. And hang out.”

  “You want to get me into your bed?” All her vulnerability was poured into that question. She couldn’t help it.

  “I want to get to know you,” he said softly.

  “Like you got to know Theresa?” Krista had walked in on the morning after in the break room. Theresa had been the star of the show and on her way out. Sean had hit that and quit it, like he always did.

  Sean visibly stopped himself from reeling backwards. She knew it was one helluva sucker punch. Saying he wasn’t expecting it would be like saying lava was hot.

  “I… That wasn’t…” Sean closed his eyes and steadied himself. “No, that is not why I wanted to get to know you better. That was a different situation.”

  “Did you have sex with Monica?”

  The second it was out of her mouth Krista regretted it. It wasn’t any of her business. His past sexual experiences and her past sexual experiences had nothing to do with each other. But she had to know. She needed to. Krista wasn’t any different than Monica; she wasn’t any more pretty or intelligent, she wasn’t any better at her job, and she was way, way under-experienced in the field of romantic game playing. There was absolutely no reason to believe that he would treat one any differently than the other. And as the other, she had to know the score.

  Sean did take a step back, then. He looked at her a long time. She knew he didn’t want to go down this road. He didn’t want to admit it. She understood; there were things she wouldn’t want to admit, either. But she had to know.

  He bowed his head, “Yes, I did.”

  Krista let out a breath in a noisy exhale. She’d known that. Everybody had known that. Why did it hurt this much when he admitted it?

  “I hadn’t intended to…” He was talking to his hands. When he looked up and met her eyes, unshed tears misting her vision, his body caved. “Beyond that it is not for a gentleman to say.”

  “A gentleman, yes,” Krista said, turning so her back was leaning against the tree. “The night of the charity event, or before?”

  “That night.”

  So he played her, and then went home with someone else. It wasn’t news, but the pain of it still surprised her. She’d inadvertently let him in again, a
nd he spit in her Cheerios. What was this, the third time?

  “Krista—“

  “No, Sean, you get mad that I call you a womanizer, but you wave that flag proudly. All the women crying in the bathroom, your latest conquest, where does it end? Tell me how I can trust you.”

  “I thought you did trust me,” he said it in such a small voice that even though he didn’t deserve it, it squeezed her heart.

  “And therein lies the issue. I trust the Sean who looks after his people. I trust the leader. I trust the guy who talks to me like a person. Who laughs with me like he would laugh with a friend. I trust him implicitly. But then there’s the other guy; the womanizer guy. That guy I do not trust. Not at all.”

  “But don’t you see?” He was begging her to keep an open mind. “That other guy you are right not to trust. That is a façade. A mask I wear because women and men alike expect it of me. They seem to only see that guy, and women are drawn to taming him. That’s the guy Monica wanted. It’s the guy I let her seduce. Not my finest moment, but texting booty calls doesn’t make you a saint, either.”

  It was a stab, but it was true. She wasn’t much better than him in that arena. She’d been stringing Paul along for a long damn time. Using him and knowing, deep down, that he wasn’t using her back.

  “But what about all the crying women? Or the times I’ve caught…the morning after?” Why did it hurt so much? Was it because he picked all those women, but wouldn’t pick her?

  Nope—it was because she was a damn fool, and had feelings for the a-hole. It was another truth she kept deep down. Another little monster she didn’t want to face.

  “I am not a good guy with a lot of women, I confess. But I don’t use someone and discard them. Anymore. Monica used me.”

  “Or Joanna from the Christmas party.”

  Agony flashed across his face. “I didn’t know how to handle Joanna. I didn’t sleep with her. I made sure she got home all right, then I caught a cab. I tried to set the record straight, as it were, but no one wanted to listen to me. Or her, it seemed. But again, you hang me for it, but I’ve seen you the Monday after a one-night stand—you aren’t pure, either.”

  “You point out two guys out of two,” Krista said, rallying her defense. “I am pointing out two of many. Texting a booty call had been a bad decision, I admit. But there were other factors at work there.” Like rejection.

  “Krista—“ Sean sounded pained. “I didn’t reject you.”

  “What?” There is absolutely no way she said that out loud. No way. Did I?

  How goddamned embarrassing to have a freaking pity-party in front of the guy who pushed her to throw the party in the first place. And how disgusting for poor Paul to get dragged into it.

  “I felt the attraction at that charity event,” Sean blew out a breath and shook his head. “Hard not to. Anytime near you, it’s hard not to. But… it was a company party.”

  “And Monica was a member of the same company.”

  “And Monica knew what she was getting into. If I had come on to you, you not only would have turned me down, you would have had everyone gossiping about it the next day. I haven’t worked wonders on your reputation so far, the last thing you would’ve needed is Monica having a reason to hate you, as well.”

  “What have you had to do with my reputation?” Krista said slowly.

  “Ray thinks that people won’t befriend you because you’ve caught my eye.”

  “Everything wearing a skirt catches your eye.”

  Sean put his back to the tree, sagging into the bark, “Ouch.”

  “Well? It’s not like I’m telling you something you don’t know!”

  “You are, actually. I didn’t realize you thought so low of me.”

  Krista crossed her arms and walked three paces away, back turned to him. “I will not feel bad for saying that.”

  “I don’t expect you to feel bad for being honest,” Sean sighed.

  “And don’t think I won’t tell Jasmine that you just sighed!”

  Sean’s lips quirked, but he didn’t fully smile. “I’m not saying I was all that trustworthy in the past. I wasn’t. But I’ve grown out of it. Trying to, anyway. I want to.”

  “Then why were you so sexual when we first started working together?”

  “Like I said, that’s what’s expected of me. Men and women alike expect it. Now I just wear it like a second skin. When you called me out I was embarrassed. But I stopped right away, didn’t I? I have really been trying to make sure I’m not that way around you. I’m just me around you.”

  She walked back four paces, crying angry tears, “And how the hell am I supposed to believe that, you ape? How can I believe anything you say? How can I…”

  Sean grabbed her by the back of the head and reeled her in. He kissed her in a rush of passion, catching her mouth open in shock and filling it in a rush. He wrapped his arms around her middle and pulled her close, stroking her tongue with his, giving her light suction, willing her to let go.

  Then she did. She closed her eyes, angled her head, and held on. She squeezed her eyes tight against the buzz filling her ears and exploding her senses. Her body was flushed, sweat was prickling her brow, Sean’s body was hard and tight and felt just right wrapped around her. She pulled and pushed and manipulated until her back was against the tree and his was leaning against her, his leg between her thighs, his tongue pulsing in her mouth, his hands glued to her waist, keeping them firmly pressed together.

  Strangely, it was the last that caught her awareness; that dragged her out of mindless delight into the present. She had her hands under his shirt, feeling the glorious body she only saw that morning, trying to back up to make room so her hands could work down to feel his bulge. But he wouldn’t let her. He held their bodies close, but wouldn’t let her take it too far.

  She didn’t think any further than that. This was not supposed to be happening!

  She pushed his chest, feeling him pull away immediately.

  “How the hell did that happen?” she said with wide eyes, looking up to connect with his lust-filled gaze.

  Sean’s teeth were gritted and his eyes were on fire. He shook his head slowly. In a grunt he said, “My bad.”

  Krista struggled and escaped, walked to the other side of the front yard and turned back to him. Memories were warring with her. Bashing against emotions. She wanted him. She wanted to repeat what they’d just done. But she was afraid. Jim had ruined her life. She’d had to move states, hide herself, and start over. She didn’t think Sean was even close to the same caliber of messed up, but he was the same charming womanizer everyone wanted. She was still fragile, and he was a pro. He would rip her apart.

  “I’m sorry, Sean. I can’t. I’ve been down this road. My trust for a guy like you is all used up. My heart is all used up. It was discarded with the trash—well, trampled, discarded then chased. That’s a hard thing to get over. That one night stand was me trying to get back on the horse again. So to speak. It was a mistake. I’ve found I can’t really bring myself to like Paul. I’m all locked up. Frozen. I’m just…destroyed. I’ve been destroyed. I’m sorry.”

  She shook her head and turned away, willing herself to stop crying.

  “Okay,” he said softly. “It’s okay. I won’t push you.”

  “I can still work with you if you want. I do really like that guy I’ve gotten to know. I just can’t do this other side, you know? I just can’t…”

  “Of course I want to work with you. Nothing changes. We are professionals. And friends, I hope. No romance. Easy,” he sounded odd.

  Krista looked up in time to see pain erased by an easy smile.

  “Well, I guess you’ve met a bigger shit than yourself, huh?” she said, walking back to him.

  “Why would you say a thing like that?” Sean asked, flinching as if he wanted to touch her, but abstaining to keep her comfortable. He probably thought he was going to get slapped.

  Krista laughed miserably and wiped her face. “Have y
ou ever met a bigger cock tease?”

  Sean barked out an uncomfortable laugh. “Yes. Many. I brought it on myself, though. If anything, I am the tease.”

  “Do you generally go around biting yourself?”

  Sean laughed again and faced her. She looked up at him.

  “What am I going to do with you?” he whispered, his eyes dipping to her lips.

  “Probably throw me in a lake with cement shoes,” she whispered back

  Sean traced her face with his finger, watching the progress over her smooth cheek, under her defined jaw, and across the slight divot in her chin. He made her feel beautiful. He made her feel special.

  But he did that to all the girls. She had to keep reminding herself it wasn’t real. That she wasn’t special. That suddenly he wouldn’t change just for her. Girls tried that all the time. Hell, she’d tried that with Jim; tried to change him. It had ended up being her who was completely altered in the end. She was still trying to find the girl she was before she’d met him.

  She couldn’t fall again, and get crushed, no matter how good it felt.

  Chapter Four

  Sean looked down at Krista. She was so breathtakingly beautiful. Her heart-shaped lips were slightly open, her whole body was open to him. He could kiss her. She was resisting this, but completely vulnerable and she wouldn’t stop him…

  He took a big step back.

  “Shall we head in?” he asked in a quiet, soothing way.

  He had to keep her comfort level up or he’d lose her. After today, he did not want that to happen. He was still in the game, whether she wanted to admit it or not. He would get her in the end. One thing he had in plenty was perseverance and determination.

  Also blue balls, but that was another story.

  “I’ll just hang out a minute, if you don’t mind. I’ll see you in there in a sec.”

  “No problem. Take your time.”

  Sean had no choice but to leave her. He was turned on, uncomfortable, and very near the end of his control. If he stuck around, he’d let her hands go south.

  Why hadn’t he let her hands go south? From where he stood right now, with a body’s worth of blood in his groin, he was badly regretting that decision.