Overcoming Fear (Growing Pains #2) Read online

  Near frustrated tears, Krista dragged herself out of a glorious fog of pleasure, and regretfully pulled his hand out of her under-roos.

  “Behave,” she said into his mouth as she climbed off.

  As the air flash froze her nipples, she returned to yanking his jeans off. Sean was wild. He was beyond panting and blustering. He was reaching for her, wanting her, wanting to have all of her. He was consumed and lost, needing completion like a drowning man needed a log.

  Krista wanted to give in, but she was supposed to be in control here. She was supposed to be a virgin. She gave him her word.

  Hindsight was a bitch.

  Trying not to regret her sudden decision to be a responsible grownup, Krista laid her body on top of his once again. Taking his hands out of illegal places, she backed off the pace, slowly put one silky thigh between his tense legs. lightly pulsing with her abdomen. She gave him just enough pressure to please, but not so much that he would fly off the handle again. She also made sure his flexed leg stayed against her apex.

  Sean kissed her soundly, his tongue taking over her mouth, thrusting in and out in a measured representation of sex. He pushed his raging hard-on against her as his hands roamed over her breasts; kneading, teasing.

  Oh holy lord, Krista was in ecstasy. This was everything she thought it could be. Her body was burning up, dying for him to take her. She wanted those powerful legs to spread her open and show her what he was made of.

  If Krista wasn’t absolutely crazy about him, and worried what would happen if they broke the sex rule, she would ignore the warning siren and go full steam ahead. But she didn’t want a lifetime of the last couple of weeks. One ten-minute period of lady-blue-balls was worth it if he would hang around.

  She cursed under her breath, then said, “Slowly.” But you will pay for this!

  He slowed with a muttered “okay.” She put as much of her chest on him as possible, which was only one boob, and thought about giving him a handjob. After all, virgins were more willing to give than to receive, which meant girls were dumb. But then, it turned out twenty-year-olds were dumb, too, because look at her now.

  Clearing her head, Krista put her hand on his erection and slowly, but firmly, stroked through the fabric. She moved her body with the same rhythm, then got her tongue working in his mouth in unison. His response was as immediate as it was resplendent. At least to her ego, anyway. He sucked in a breath, his eyes rolled back in his head, and he let out a moan of glory. His arm convulsed to bring her in closer as he kneaded her breast, all his focus on her hand.

  Apparently she had the snake stroke down.

  Krista, unselfishly, focused all her thoughts away from her wet groin and onto Sean’s pleasure. She moved her body freely up to a point. She didn’t go overboard. She didn’t go mindless. She kept logic around to look over the proceedings, which was never as good for her or the people she was with, but in this situation, she didn’t have much choice.

  It didn’t seem to matter—Sean was gone-zo.

  “Is this okay?” she asked quietly. She almost didn’t recognize the husky voice as her own.

  “I love you, Krista,” he answered.

  Krista froze. If it was too soon for sex, which she didn’t agree with, it was certainly too soon for an emotion even half as serious, which she did. Something wasn’t right with Sean. Not right at all!

  Problem was she didn’t know what to do. Physical warfare she was used to, unfortunately, but emotional warfare was beyond her. Jim was lacking in anything that had to do with empathy. His only emotions were possession, desire and anger, all revolving around sadism. None of those were any good here.

  Thank God.

  Still, whatever was happening was not good for Sean. With uncertainty leading to fear bleeding through her and jamming up her logical brain, she limply let him roll over on top of her. He settled between her legs and took himself out of his boxer-briefs.

  Oh lord he was big. And hard. So, so ready.

  Krista bit her lip. She wanted this so bad. For months she’d wanted this. Months and months. She’d fantasized about it for over a year! And now she had to say no. Why was her life in San Francisco so totally messed up?

  “No, Sean,” she said as she regretfully pushed him back.

  He didn’t move. Nor did he notice her trying to stop him. Instead, he slipped a finger into her, preparing her for insertion. With horror, she realized he was already wearing a condom. While she was getting her thoughts together, he was getting ready. He was quicker. Time had run out.

  As he bumped against her opening, she moaned despite herself, guiltily letting his finger work for a second longer, feeling the sensation unfold in her body, expanding to fill every inch. Dangerously close to regret, she yelled, “Sean, no!”

  He stopped his movement and looked at her with slightly unfocused eyes. Krista could see the hunger raging. Also a weird, maniacal light. It was passion so intense it was bordering on desperation. Unbalanced passion, though. Despairing passion that bubbled up from his soul, begging for unconditional love and forcing the need onto her.

  Thank you, Dr. Phil! She pushed at him harder, trying to get him to sit up.

  Speaking of Dr. Phil, for a wonder, she wasn’t scared. Or worried. Or going through memory paralysis of any kind. It was a blessing that she didn’t have time to explore.

  She needed to get Sean to snap out of it, but she didn’t know how. The only thing she could think of was chasing away all passion. Getting back to sanityville. Because if she didn’t, she had no doubt she would lose him. She didn’t know why, or how she knew, but she was certain of that fact. This was his deal-breaker. The Out To Lunch sign hanging around his neck was the situation he wanted to avoid. It was the doorway to the end, as Sean had said earlier.

  Feeling that blunt tip barely part flesh, moaning at the same time as realizing all he had to do was thrust to fulfill her fantasies while crushing her dream, Krista summoned all her strength and gave another shove, rocking him up and back.

  The jolt did it, causing his eyes to swing down and connect with her. Unfortunately, before Krista could talk him down rationally, he saw the fear on her face, and misinterpreted. He was off her in a flash, pulling her up to a sitting position and hugging her close.

  “I’m so sorry, Pet. Did I scare you? Did I go too far? Did I hurt you?”

  His worry made her chest constrict. The fact that that worry, for her, overrode a deeply engrained imbalance made his feelings that much clearer. And like a dumb girl that just wanted a guy to be nice to her, her eyes teared up, which definitely wouldn’t help this situation. She didn’t need to join him on the crazy train.

  Taking a deep breath, Krista analyzed the situation. What she had to do was talk him down. She had to get his mind off of whatever was happening to him, and back him down into reality. Somehow.

  Okay, she thought, thinking quick. He’s a smart dude who treats life like a chess board, so logic would work. But he likes to laugh off problems, and this is a giant problem. So then, maybe humor is better?

  Krista spun a mental wheel--logic or humor, logic or humor…

  She chose humor.

  “Calm down, dummy!” she said with a playful punch to his chest. “I’m not hurt. And certainly not scared by a Nancy like you. I’m crazy turned on, which I can prove, but we set rules, and you are about to step over the line.”

  For a few moments Sean was lost, desire flooding his eyes. Then slowly reality sank in. After one full minute, he let out a breath in a whoosh as his body relaxed back to fluid grace. Krista laid back with an unladylike flop, encouraging him to follow her lead.

  “You kind of jumped the gun there for a minute,” Krista said with a chuckle she didn’t feel.

  She was talking about the “L” word, and it seemed like he caught her meaning because he hesitantly matched her chuckle before he laid down on his back, looking at the ceiling.

  “I got a bit too into it I guess.”

  “Well, I know I’m good,
but I didn’t know I was that good,” she laughed.

  “You are better than good,” Sean said quietly. “Much, much better.”

  It was a short-lived ego boost because fear was lingering on the edges of the conversation. They were in too deep. Krista was having a hard time steering them out of troubled waters.

  “Did I kill the mood, or do you want to try and make-out a little more?” Krista asked lightly.

  “I want to make love to you so badly it literally hurts, Krista,” Sean said sadly as he pulled his boxers back up.

  He was killing the fun with this. And while Krista could absolutely sympathize—how many times had she made things awkward, after all—she would not accept it. He had parental problems, yeah. So what? So did most of America! People got over it. They turned into adults and they worked to get better. With a divorce rate of one-and-three, he wasn’t alone, no matter how much they hated each other.

  She got up, closed the curtains, blew out the candles, and turned on the light. He sat up and blinked. Then eyed her near naked body. Hunger crept back into his eyes.

  “We’re friends, Sean. Only friends. Remember on the beach when we were doused in water?”

  He blinked a couple times at the change of topic. “You mean, when you tried the energizing method of drowning?”

  “Exactly. Remember when we got back here and had to change?”

  “And you peeked?”

  “I didn’t mean to! I thought you were done!” She exclaimed, throwing herself on the bed, but not near him. “Besides, you got even and saw me butt naked.”

  “That’s because you stripped right in front of me.”

  “Well, you were distracting me!”

  He was smiling, his erection still going strong, while lying back with his hands behind his head. The light in his eyes was normal now; thankfully less manic.

  “You’re hot,” he said easily, shrugging his big shoulders.

  “You are,” she with a smile as she moved closer and fastened a mouth-shaped suction cup to his nipple.

  He moaned pleasantly, but calmly. That was good. They needed the finish of this night to be light and carefree. And she wanted the grand finale to be a dual climax. All easier said than done. With fear clawing at her, she didn’t know if she could get to the finish line. She wondered if that would that make him feel guilty.

  “Remember when we finished that one time at sunset and both took off our shirts to wipe our sweat?” he asked with a smile in his voice.

  She kissed down his stomach. “You mean, when you were trying not to get caught checking me out?”

  He jerked in laughter. “Me trying not to get caught checking you out?” he exclaimed.

  Krista moved her body between his legs and kissed up to his boxers. She smiled and let her chin rest on his hard length, which was still bursting to get out. Her legs were tingling with anticipation. She figured that was a good sign for her, but she still had to brave the rapids of Sean’s emotional crazy.

  “You so were trying to check me out!” she laughed and lightly bit the tip of his penis through his underwear.

  “Oww!” He jolted when he felt teeth. “Not fair—precious cargo in that pocket.”

  He laughed as he reached down and dragged her up to sit on top of him, her groin directly on top of his.

  “And anyway,” he continued, “I saw you checking me out.”

  “Posh. No way.” She lay down on top of him, putting her lips on top of his and giving him a light, playful kiss.

  “Way!” he said, quickly jolting his lips up to kiss hers. “Now, where was I?”

  He flipped her on her back. Instead of putting his whole body between her legs, he only put one large, hard thigh. It still felt playful so she allowed herself to relax.

  She sighed with that thigh. Talking was no fun when there was a Sean-sized playground so near.

  “I am so ridiculously wet it is ridiculous.”

  “That is a lot of ridiculous, all right,” he laughed and kissed her.

  She rubbed his back and moved her body to feel his leg against her sex. She rubbed her erect nipples against his chest.

  “I want to come,” she said boldly.

  “Your wish is my command, oh holy virgin,” Sean said as he began moving over her, rubbing, kissing her and stroking her body with this hands. In turn, she stroked his with hers as well, and soon they were rocking together.

  Krista desperately wanted him to move her panties and enter her. Desperately. But she kept a lid on those intentions. Instead she just enjoyed the feeling of his body. The safety of the little they were doing.

  Soon she was arching herself against him, straining against his leg and squeezing with her thighs. She was getting close, he was breathing raggedly, his movements fluid and silky, his thrusts well placed and well received.

  “Oh Krista,” he breathed into her ear.

  She didn’t dare say anything back because she didn’t trust herself with what command she might give.

  He moved a hand down around her butt, staying over the panties. With his fingers he rubbed the parts that his thigh couldn’t reach. In reciprocation she made sure her thigh was hitting him where he needed it most.

  As they were nearing completion Krista was moaning like a banshee. She arched further back, so close, straining into him.

  “Are you there?” he asked, clearly holding back on so they could enter the great crescendo together.

  “Oh God, almost. I just need... don’t know...need something…”

  She just couldn’t get enough friction. “Go ahead,” she breathed, preparing to enter fake orgasm mode so he would enjoy himself even though she couldn’t get there with him. It wouldn’t be the first time.

  He moved his fingers from rubbing outside of the fabric, to slipping them under, putting his fingers directly on her clit.

  “Christ, you are wet,” he breathed hoarsely, his movements becoming harder and more desirous.

  She grunted in response and moved herself to take full advantage of this direct contact.

  “Okay, okay, now!” she cried as she hit the height of pleasure and rode the wave in delight.

  Sean was right there with her, giving a spasm of release. He shifted so he was finishing between her legs, his fingers dipping inside her. She moaned again and squeezed him with her thighs before she relaxed into the aftermath.

  He sighed, took his fingers from her, and let his body go limp. He moved to get off of her, but before he did he bent his head to her for a long, slow kiss. Then he got up, searched in his drawer for a second, and put on some different boxers.

  “Messed yourself, did you?” Krista asked sleepily.

  He gave a lopsided smirk, and eyed her breasts. He made a sound like “Hmm,” shook his head, and she heard a muttered “gorgeous” before he turned toward the light to flick it off. She smiled at the appreciation.

  “Don’t let it go to your head, Marshall,” he said, crawling in bed beside her and pushing his warm body up beside hers.

  “Was that okay? What we did? Did we go too far?” she asked with her head on his chest.

  “Almost. But you pulled me out. I lost balance there for a minute, but you pulled me back out.”

  “Yeah, there was that, but I meant at the end.”

  “Oh no, at the end was fine. I might slip in a little more...touching, in future.”

  “Says you,” Krista said in mock disdain.

  He chuckled and kissed her forehead.

  “Thanks, though,” she said.

  “For what?”

  “For the little extra bump at the end.”

  “I cheated. But it was necessary, I thought.”

  “No arguing there.”

  They lapsed into silence. It was a green light for Krista to drift off to sleep.

  “Krista?”

  “Hmmmm?”

  “About what I said--”

  She knew he was talking about the “L” word.

  “Anything said in the heat of passion d
oesn’t count,” she interrupted. “That’s why people aren’t embarrassed to talk dirty.”

  “You strike me as the kind of girl embarrassed to talk dirty any time,” he said with a laugh.

  She counted her blessings that they just sidestepped that ”L” bomb, even though he was incorrect in his assumption.

  “But I am willing to work on it. Maybe,” she said sleepily.

  “Maybe, huh?” he laughed again, snuggled closer, and passed into silence, and then sleep.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Sean woke Krista with light kisses trailing down her neck.

  “Good morning, beautiful,” he said into her ear.

  “Hmmmmmph.”

  He laughed and squeezed her, “Forgot, not a morning person. Did you sleep okay?”

  She yawned and stretched, ignoring him for a minute. She dug her face into the pillow for a second, stretched again, and then paused.

  Without warning she looked back over her shoulder, meeting his gaze.

  “What?” he asked with a smile.

  Krista turned back into the pillow with a thump. “I was just checking to see if you were as handsome today as you were yesterday. Checking to see if maybe the spell wore off.”

  “And?”

  “You’re an ugly wreck,” she said in a flat voice.

  He laughed and squeezed her, then hopped out of bed. He was in a great mood. For the first time in a very long time he wasn’t in a hurry to get a woman out of his house. And she looked just as beautiful with her hair all a mess and her eyes sleepy as he thought she would. Better, if that were possible.

  “Do you want breakfast?” he asked as he pulled on some sweats.

  “Uh...don’t know. I have to jog, hit work for a few hours, and then take your sister out, so I might get going. What time is it?”

  “Ten after nine.”

  “Ehhhhhh. It’ll be nice when we don’t have to work on the weekends.” She got up and searched the floor. Sean threw some of his sweats at her and a T-shirt. Without hesitation she pulled them on. They were so big she was swimming in them, but she didn’t seem to mind. She took a big whiff of the sleeve and closed her eyes.