Overcoming Fear (Growing Pains #2) Read online

  Krista felt a stir, like something soft was infusing her midsection, chasing away all the uncertainty, blowing her up like a helium-filled balloon. Before he turned away with the other actors, he gave her that secret smile that said there was a joke, and she was a part of it. Or possibly the butt of it.

  Then he was walking behind the curtain.

  Krista blinked into the sudden light shift and half stood. She was never one for dallying. The show’s over, what’s the point of hanging around?

  She was the only one from this small collection of Sean’s admirers to do so.

  “Well, uh...I guess I’ll see you all some other time...” Krista did a weird little wave and continued her stand, unsure where to turn so her butt wasn’t in Ray or Cassie’s face. She couldn’t be more lame if she tried.

  “Aren’t you going back to Sean’s?” Mary asked in confusion.

  “Oh, uh...” Even Keith was looking at her, waiting in unpardonable boredom for her response.

  “Sean didn’t really mention it, so I’ll probably just head out,” Krista muttered, worried about ungraciously stepping over Cassie and Keith’s legs and probably rolling down the stairs shortly thereafter.

  “I thought you were flying solo tonight? Are you meeting up with your friends later?” Mary persisted.

  “Oh no, they’re out for the night I think. I’ll probably just head home. Thanks, though. Tell Sean he did really great!”

  “But don’t you live in that neighborhood anyway?” Cassie asked.

  Damn her and her sober memory!

  “Yeah, you do. A couple blocks away, right?” Ray asked, obviously remembering picking her up in the limo for the wine event.

  The escape of the stalker was not going well.

  “Um, yeah,” Krista admitted, desperately reaching for another excuse. She’d spent so much effort on her reason for being there in the first place; getting away again was proving difficult.

  “And you don’t have a car, right?” Cassie asked.

  Krista was starting to wonder what the hell was so interesting about the empty stage that kept Keith’s undivided attention! He should be distracting his girlfriend!

  “Right. Yeah. I was just going to catch the bus, probably.”

  “Nonsense!” Mary gushed. “From this neighborhood? It’s not safe. We’re going that way anyway. We’ll drive you. That way you can tell Sean yourself how well he did!”

  “Oh, great. Sure,” Krista said with a smile that closely resembled a grimace.

  “Oh, look, Ray, there he is!” Mary yelled excitedly, standing up as though the president was entering the building.

  Sure enough, Sean was making his way onto the stage sans make-up. His eyes were bright and the smile on his face lit up the room. He scanned the group, and only lingered on Krista a fraction of a second longer than anyone else.

  Krista stood, star struck, as everyone told him how great he did and patted him on the back. She couldn’t form words. He was radiant, so supremely happy and relaxed, and mouth-dryingly gorgeous because of it. He had her so captivated that when they started telling him how great the play was, she didn’t have the presence of mind to cover the facial rebuttal.

  He honed in on her immediately, giving another secret smile. He always could tell when she was telling him a bunch of bull. And seriously, that play was freaking weird.

  He addressed the group, “I know it’s late, but after party at my house? Food and wine are already there.”

  Everyone agreed and started moving toward the door, herding Krista along like cattle. When they got outside, they formed a circle, discussing rides and clarifying directions from that side of town.

  Krista, carless and uninvited, stood on the outskirts of the group like the last kid picked in dodge ball. She shifted from foot to foot, waiting for the cool kids to figure out what to do with her, knowing that it would only amount to a big red ball hitting her right in the face later on. She definitely didn’t have high hopes.

  Suddenly all eyes turned to her.

  “What?” she asked.

  It was Mary who said, “Are you going to Sean’s?”

  “Oh.” Krista looked around the faces and landed on Sean, who was not smiling. “Well, uh... I don’t want to intrude or anything. I wasn’t originally part of the pack, so...”

  Sean turned back to everyone, which unfortunately meant he turned his back on her. “I’ll take her with me, then.”

  As if by silent dog whistle, the crowd scattered, everyone heading a different direction. Krista hustled to catch up with Sean. She was trailing around like a floppy, lost puppy. Good news was that she would at least get a ride home. The bus truly did suck at that time of night

  He was parked in some lot a couple blocks away. After he opened the door for her, she clambered in as he gracefully folded himself into the driver’s seat.

  As they started driving he said, “You don’t have to go, you know.” He sounded guarded and not all that pleased.

  “Yeah, I honestly didn’t know about all that. I don’t want to crash the party or anything, so no big deal, you know?”

  “You are of course invited, Krista. But don’t feel obligated to go. If you have other plans...”

  “No, uh, actually I have nothing to do. But I am totally fine if you have a quiet evening with family planned or whatever.”

  “So you want to go?”

  “Christ, I feel like I’m in high school again. Look, I’ll break it down, I want to go if the offer is good. Or I am also totally fine with heading home for a glass of vino and a bath. Either way life is good. No hurt feelings.”

  “Settled. You’re going.”

  She sighed in relief. She talked a big game, but if he’d sent her packing it would have sucked more than a little.

  “So...how did you find out about the play? Did Ray tell you?” Sean asked hesitantly.

  This was a fork. She could lie like she lied to the others, or she could tell the truth. The thing was, the relationship she had with Sean that she loved was based on truth, not omission. She hadn’t lied yet, and she didn’t want to start now.

  Then again, so far she hadn’t had to admit to stalking. It was a tough call.

  “Well...it, uh, is a bit...embarrassing. I, uh...kind of stalked you a little. I always said Pandora ain’t got nothin’ on me.”

  “What do you mean, you stalked me?” his voice sounded dark.

  “Okay, well, uh, a couple times at the office I was pissed you weren’t giving me your full attention, so I glanced at your email and saw a logo. I saw the same logo today when I was shopping, and it was attached to a flyer for a play. I figured I would just see if you were in it. I had nothing else to do anyway. So I went.”

  “A logo on an email was enough to make you assume I was in the play?”

  He was too clever by half.

  “I figured from your email it was a play, I just didn’t know you were in it. I was hopeful that was the case… or-rr that you were possibly going to watch a girlfriend in the play. So, I guess, truth be told, I was either stalking or spying. Either way, I was up to no good.”

  “You believed the rumors, then?” Sean sounded hurt and disappointed.

  “No, actually. The other night I was running along the path, as I do, and I thought I would pop by to kind of...uh...clear things up, I guess. Or get on the same page again. Like we once were, you know? And I saw you were home because your light was on, so I stopped and crossed the street, and I saw you in the window. A second later I saw a girl behind you, then you kissed her, so I walked away instead of knocking. So...it was either you or her in the play. Stalking or spying. No good.”

  “I didn’t take you for either a stalker or a spy,” his voice was still disappointed.

  There it was, the proverbial big red ball right in the face.

  “Well, as you can tell by my current predicament, I’m not very good at it.”

  “Coming to my house is a predicament?”

  Krista groaned. He was taking
her to the cleaners. Well, hell, she’d already dug herself a hole, she might as well make herself useful and bury herself as well.

  “Look, here it is. I did think you were seeing someone because you were so content with life. You were elated, but tired. What else would do that besides a new love? I didn’t think of acting because it had only been two weeks. I didn’t realize shows went up that fast.

  “So after I saw the girl in your window that answered that question. And yes, it hurt that you found someone else, okay? It stung. But I want you to be happy. So I thought I would stop being such a tool bag and just get back what we had. Which was easy trust, strong friendship, and no drama.

  “But when I was going to make a move in that direction and talk to you, and I saw you with that woman, well, I was not about to interrupt your…well, what you were doing. But I still wanted you to be happy. I wanted the best for you. Still do. But you were making it really difficult to be friends again. So I saw that damn flyer and had nothing else to do and hoped against hope that it was you in the play. But if it wasn’t, then I was going to face my fears and see you with the girl. And before you say it--yes, it turned out exactly the same way as the whip incident, except I am a lot less hung over. Although, tomorrow I will probably rectify that.”

  She fell silent and realized they were at his house. They were parking in the garage. Krista hadn’t been paying attention to anything but her lame explanation, which apparently took a lot longer than she expected. It was extremely dark and she was extremely glad because she was crying frustrated tears.

  “Are you with someone?” he asked, just barely above a whisper, effectively side-stepping her whole, horrible explanation.

  “Me? No. Your sister asked that, too. Where did you get that idea? Are you believing rumors or something?”

  “Guilty, I’m afraid. I have done a little spying on my own. You were so happy this last week. Marcus said you must have gotten a man because you had a glow. ‘Morning after glow’ he called it. The lights were never on in your bedroom when I drove by, and yes, I drove by a few times, so I thought you were probably at someone else’s house.”

  The car was silent for a while before Krista chuckled in a self-deprecating way. “We are a couple of idiots. I was trying to be happy and upbeat in order to get it in my head to stop being a mope over you having someone else. Also, I wanted people to know I wasn’t a reclusive bitch so Mr. Montgomery couldn’t win likability votes over me. But mostly to put on a good face for you.”

  Sean sighed and thumped his head against the head rest. “We are a couple of idiots all right.”

  “What I don’t get is why you were so hostile? Why not just tell me it was acting instead of a new girl?”

  Sean blew out a breath, “When I heard you’d been gossiping about me…”

  “It was brought to me!” she interrupted in defense. “Since I was on my way to see you, it was brought up. I only asked for more information because I was, ah…worried.”

  It was a hedge. She didn’t want to reveal all her cards by saying hurt. Not just yet. Or maybe, not ever.

  Sean was quiet a second, then said, “I didn’t know that. I’m no stranger to gossip, as you know. For the most part it doesn’t bother me; I can ignore it. That’s because no one knows the real me except Ray. No one can do any lasting damage. Except now… there’s you. You’re a lot closer than—let’s just say I was equally…worried. And I handled it badly. Please forgive me for that.”

  Krista shrugged in the darkness, “Hindsight. I should have explained a little better.”

  “What started all this? Where did we go wrong?”

  “When you said not to tell anyone we were friends.”

  “Oh.” He snorted. “That was the problem. Huh. I remember perfectly. On the tail end of you mentioning Marcus, I believe what I said was that I didn’t want anyone to know we spent a lot of time together.”

  “Yeah. Same thing.”

  “No. Not the same thing. I didn’t want people at work to know we spent time together because they would immediately think I was having sex with you. I have a reputation, as you well know. I didn’t, and still don’t, want you tainted by that. And it would be a taint, mark my words. But my sister and Ray know how much time I spend with you. They’re the closest people on earth to me. They know what you are to me.”

  “What I am? You mean, a head case with terrible past horrors that you don’t want to touch?”

  “Who says I don’t want to touch you?” he asked quietly. So quietly the words were almost lost. When Krista did hear it, though, it was like a feather tickled her skin.

  “The night I told you about...the Ex. We kissed, but when it could have gotten real, you ran.”

  “I had just finished telling you I wasn’t like your ex-boyfriend. Did you expect me to then take advantage of you? What kind of a guy does that?”

  “You also stayed well clear of me after that.”

  “And now you come to my issues… Instead of legitimate problems like you have, I have parental issues. I have parents that basically decided having kids was the pits, and being with each other was worse. My sister and I were left to fend for ourselves—except when our parents were using us to throw in each other’s face for their life going wrong. I am dependable since I practically raised Cassie, but when it came to relationship role models, I have nothing but emotional sabotage. All I’ve ever wanted was stability, but you wouldn’t know it from the whirlwind of havoc I wreak. I don’t mean to do it, but I am all over the place, and before I know it, I’ve chased the girl away.

  “I’m trying--have been trying--to grow up and think about my actions. It’s hard, though. Being the womanizer is so much easier. And it’s expected of me, as I said. So I fall back into that. Except with you--you wouldn’t allow me to. I lost that crutch early. So with you I’ve had to be real and truthful. To you and to myself.”

  He fell silent.

  Krista shyly looked down, speaking to her hands busily making knots on her lap, “But you were all ready to go for it when you thought I’d say no. Then when I would’ve said yes, you backed away.”

  “Well, I got scared, all right?” he answered, his head back against the head rest. “You gave me an opening after an extensive trial period, yeah. But the more I learned about you, the more I liked you. Then suddenly I got scared that I would dick you around like I always do. Then I would lose you. I couldn’t bear to lose you. So, I figured, having you as a friend would keep you in my life, and I couldn’t mess that up. But then...I did.”

  “In all fairness, I helped,” she admitted. She exhaled a big breath. “In conclusion, I have issues with being dicked around, and you are the classic dick. So by definition we are at an impasse. But at least we are friends again. That’s something, right?”

  Sean didn’t laugh. “I guess so. But for what it’s worth, I would really like to touch you,” he laughed softly. “Have, ever since I met you. And it’s been getting worse ever since.”

  “Me, too, man. Me, too. Not in the cards, though. We’ll have to continue being sexually frustrated, having unfulfilling booty calls, and trying to stay positive when the other meets someone new.”

  “Dismal.”

  “Yeah. Dismal. Anyway, sorry for stalking you. But, since I’m here and it seemed to pay off in the end, shall we go in?”

  “I suppose so.”

  The thing about San Francisco houses is that the size of the garages leaves something to be desired. Krista had to squeeze out because Sean was obviously used to leaving more room on his side.

  “Good thing I am thin, McAdams, because this is ridiculous.” Krista was halfway out, horizontal, one leg on the dashboard and her dress caught.

  Sean laughed the whole way over to help.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Sean helped Krista out of the car, their bodies close because of the size of the garage. He looked down at her, his smile withering as his eyes devoured her. Wondering if he could watch her with another man without go
ing insane. Wondering if he could ever be happy knowing he couldn’t have the one thing he was now realizing he’d always wanted. Wanting for keeps.

  “We should go in,” he said quietly, determined not to break her trust by coming on to her yet again. He would not lose this woman, and he would endure whatever he must to make sure that happened. It was a truly dismal situation, but it was better than the alternative. At least if he was in her life, he could ensure no one ever hurt her again, whether it be him or someone else. He could at least protect her that much.

  Krista nodded slowly, looking up into his eyes. Her face registered his longing, and instead of breaking down in worry, like she usually might, for the first time, hunger flitted. A deep feeling unfurled within him, blossoming. He saw the feeling mirrored on her face.

  He watched in fascination as she slowly reached out a hand to his chest.

  “In a moment,” she said, just as quietly, in a voice that belonged on a waterbed.

  Sean’s eyes snapped to hers, unsure. As her small hand connected with his pec, she sighed, letting it slowly travel up his chest to his shoulder. She moved in closer, her other hand on him now, moving up to his neck.

  “Kiss me Sean,“ Krista whispered, angling up to him.

  With a frenzy of butterflies, not able to remember when the last time he was this nervous around a girl, Sean wasted no time. He bent to her softly, connecting his lips to hers for the second time, feeling them part for him and filling her mouth in a sweet rush.

  Krista leaned back against the car, bringing him with her, slipping her hand up his shirt. This time, when he felt her slow caress down his chest, intending to go deep south, he gave her whatever room she needed. Then closed his eyes tight when he felt her tugging at his belt. He couldn’t remember ever being this worked up. He couldn’t remember the last time he was completely at a woman’s mercy.