Overcoming Fear (Growing Pains #2) Page 23
When Sean was occupied over the hand-written bill, Krista squeezed out beyond the counter and waited by the door. She needed to avoid Sean’s gaze at all costs. Tears were extremely close to peeping through, and she was supposed to be indifferent to this breakup scene, not desolate.
As she stood waiting, looking in rapt interest at a stand of thread, she tried to get herself under control. And she would have, too, but the stupid room was pint-sized and Sean’s stupid smell was so damn strong that it permeated all available space, crushing her resolve to stay unaffected; filling her up with a pain she couldn’t believe wasn’t killing her.
Krista had no choice but to make a hasty exit.
“Ready?” Sean asked quietly as he stepped out beside her.
Krista gave him an affirmative head bob, blinking furiously to try and clear her glassy eyes. One tear, uncaught, wobbled out from under lashes, and streaked down her cheek.
Sean’s eyes caught it, and followed its progress, his eyes clouding with pain.
“So you go there often, then?” she said as she swiped her hand across her face quickly. Her voice was upbeat, which hopefully hid the tremor.
“Every time I need a new power suit, yeah. Otherwise I buy designer off the rack and get it tailored at whatever store I buy from. Gotta look the part, you know?”
“All the world’s a stage.”
“Precisely. And I encourage you to remember that on Friday. You are playing a part to our clients. You are the Lead Researcher, which means you need to have decorum and professionalism when you answer questions.”
“Is that why the sudden title? So John can convince me to grow up?”
Sean laughed, “Exactly so.”
“Right. Well…I guess I’ll you see you in there.” Krista stepped away. Sean nodded with a solemn expression, but he let her escape.
~*~*~*~
In the small conference room after the meeting with John, Sean watched Krista hurry away with Marcus, all her materials clutched within her arms. Suddenly deflated, he leaned against the wall. It felt like he had a gaping hole in his chest. He wished it was manly to admit it.
That thought reminded him of Krista’s take on manly rules, and he laughed.
“What is it?” Ray asked, staying behind as everyone else left the room, John included.
Sean shook his head. He hadn’t told Ray about the split. He didn’t want to admit it out loud yet.
“I didn’t see Ben’s art in there,” Ray said, looking through the art packets littering the conference room table.
“Judy didn’t think they were pro-quality. Her word choice.”
“And you are okay with that?” Ray sounded disapproving.
Sean looked out the window. He was having a hard time focusing. He kept replaying that tear that dripped down Krista’s cheek an hour ago.
He couldn’t help but notice the aura of sadness emanating from her. She often tried for a smile, and tried to stand up straight, but her shoulders hunched anyway. She looked tired, worn down. And it was all because of him. A few days ago a guy had to put on sunglasses when he looked at her because she was so radiantly happy. He’d done that, too. Before he’d slipped. Before he’d messed everything up and hurt her. He should have never gotten involved. It would’ve hurt less, certainly. It would hurt them both less, because right now, he was aching big time. He loved her to the point of distraction, and it was eating him alive.
“I have a meeting scheduled with John in an hour to go over it,” Sean answered automatically. “I want to use Ben’s material, but Ben is not invited to the meeting. I’m not sure how well Judy will do explaining it.”
“Then you’d best invite Ben to the meeting. This isn’t about coddling employees; this is about landing a large account.”
“I realize that, Ray. Which is why I am going to discuss the matter with my direct supervisor and get confirmation on the best way to play it.”
Ray sighed and met Sean at the window, looking out over the city. “I was wrong in the beginning. It looks like it isn’t her who has decided to give up on the account because of heart break.”
Sean hung his head. “How did you know?”
“I saw you two on Friday. I see you now. It is quite a difference.”
“I slipped. I…”
“You’re running.”
“I’m protecting her.”
“From who, you?”
Sean nodded.
“Are you sure she needs it?” Ray pushed with a soft, though firm, voice.
“She would say no.”
“Then maybe you should trust her.”
Sean turned toward the door. “I don’t want to talk about this, Ray. I don’t want to talk about her.”
Ray watched him go, for the first time fearing for his friend.
Chapter Twenty-One
Sean sat in his living room with a glass of whiskey in hand. He’d put the painting up. He’d moved everything around, picked the perfect spot for it, and made sure it was showcased for anyone who came in his house. It was the memorial for the one who got away.
Got away being synonymous for chased away, of course.
Sean sighed and sat back, not even paying attention to whatever was blaring on the TV.
He should be focusing on the presentation for tomorrow. It was the biggest account of his career so far. If he landed it, he’d be in the red zone. His career would take off, which John reminded him about all the time. His promotion was guaranteed if Tory said yes.
So why couldn’t he focus on anything besides Krista?
Sean ignored the hum of his phone as he finished off what was in his glass and poured himself another.
Bottom line, he wanted her support. He wanted to be with her, right then, hanging out like they used to. Chatting the stress away. Maybe even spit-balling how they could do even better in the presentation than they were already geared to.
Although, who was he kidding? She’d been working on the presentation all week. She’d done it in front of her people, asking for advice. She’d done it in front of the art department, getting catcalls and jeers to help her lighten up, and she’d been practicing alone in her office all week. She was easily the most prepared of anyone.
The pointed finger was at him. Solely at him for this. But it always was, wasn’t it? Ray had been right. He jumped in, got tangled, and ran. He hurt her, like he thought he would.
He just hadn’t realized the backlash would be so intense. Intense to the point that he couldn’t focus on anything else. Didn’t want to, even. He had gotten the chance to see that look in her eyes; the one he saw between Mary and Ray, random other couples, or occasionally his sister and her boyfriend at the time. He’d gotten the look, but he hadn’t given her a chance to verbalize the feeling. To verbalize the true, genuine feeling that wasn’t based on his looks, his job, or his money, and he’d chased her away.
His phone rang again.
“Yeah, Cass, what’s up?” he answered curtly, interrupting his pity party. He sounded like a lovesick teenager these days.
“What’s up your butt? I just called to wish you and Krista good luck tomorrow.”
“Great. Thanks.”
“Is everything okay? Are you drinking?”
“No. And yes.” Sean looked at his glass, half-empty. It was really easy to fix that problem. Unlike his outlook on his life.
“What happened?”
Sean laughed sardonically, “I lost my shit, went crazy on Krista, scared her, then chased her away. Same old shit, different girl. Story of my life. Don’t even know why I’m surprised anymore.”
There was silence on the other end. Sean checked to make sure he didn’t inadvertently hang up with his face. After he’d verified, he thought about hanging up anyway.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Cassie asked quietly.
“Because I don’t like sharing embarrassing stories of my inadequacies with my sister, okay? Because I don’t need you realizing how fucked up your older brother is.”
“Why, so I can abuse her like her ex-boyfriend? So I can add my scares to the ones she already has?”
“I don’t think whatever you did was solely the reason for this, Sean. I think you need to take a step back and look at the bigger picture.”
“The bigger picture, Cassie? What bigger picture? I freaked out on her. I nearly forced her. She doesn’t need that in her life. She’s dealt with that enough, already.”
“I think you’re being a little overdramatic,” Cassie replied in the same soothing voice.
Sean gripped his phone, then let a slow breath out of his mouth. There was no reason to get angry at Cassie.
“I’ve talked to her a few times,” she went on, stopping Sean’s heart. “She called, asking what to do. You did scare her, but not because it was you. Because she recognized something was going on with you, and had a panic attack. She said that she’s partially to blame for how it went down. You could’ve just as easily brought her out of it if you hadn’t been…doing your thing.”
“I’m sure she’s just making light of it,” Sean said in a hopeful whisper.
“Sean, from what I understand, you’ve heard her issues firsthand. And you’ve been chasing her forever. She knows what she’s getting. She wants what you’re giving. You’re the only one who isn’t realizing that.”
“I don’t want to hurt her. I can’t think of any other outcome.”
“Damn it!” Cassie had just lost her temper. “Get your head out of your ass and realize that she is the best thing that you’ve ever found. She won’t put up with your ego. She makes you better. Keep her!”
“Are we done here?” Sean said in a dry voice. He was pushing Cassie’s buttons and he knew it, but he wanted this conversation over.
“You are being such an egotistical bitch!”
Air.
She’d hung up on him. Sean threw his phone on the couch and took another swig. Krista was tough, she was a trooper, and bottom line, she deserved better than him. Bottom line.
~*~*~*~
When Friday morning rolled around, crisp and fall-like, Krista was tightly wound. Ben called it jumpy, but she didn’t ask. Which she told him. Right before he threw some weird Styrofoam sculpture at her.
Despite his beliefs, Krista really was trying for calm. She went to bed early the night before and hadn’t had so much as a sip of an alcoholic beverage. She didn’t hustle getting ready, since she’d gotten up a half hour early, and had a chamomile tea to further attempt a Zen trance.
Needless to say, none of it worked—hence the thrown sculpture. When it was time to leave, she had to clench her legs together to keep from peeing herself she was so nervous!
As she stepped out the door, laptop in hand, her phone rang. It was Sean.
A swarm of butterflies overtook her stomach and started fighting the already established bunch of nerves. The turf war had her body trying to shoot liquid out of both ends.
“Hello?”
“Hi Krista, it’s Sean.”
“Hey. What’s up?”
“I was thinking I would give you a lift this morning, since you’re in the suit and everything.”
“Uh,” she tried to better balance her laptop, which was trying to slide out of her grasp, with just one hand.
“Krista, shut the door, its cold!” Ben shouted from somewhere inside. He was a ball of nerves, too. He would be in the meeting, per John, which made Judy extremely unhappy and confrontational. Ben wasn’t worried about presenting, but he abhorred confrontation.
“I can’t right now, Ben, hold your horses!”
“I AM TRYING TO SLEEP!” Abbey roared down the hall.
Krista put everything down and slammed the door.
It was a stressful morning.
When she picked up the phone, Sean was saying her name.
“Yeah, I’m here. The stupid roommates are annoying me.”
“Right. I thought—“
“Yeah, I heard you. I’m not in the suit, actually. Marco had to make some last minute alterations because it wasn’t perfect, or something, so I’ll pick it up in about an hour.”
“Oh?” Sean did not sound happy. “Are you wearing a backup just in case?”
“Uh, no. Should I?”
“Yes. Just in case. I’ll be over in 2 minutes.”
“But--” The line went dead.
The last thing she needed that morning was him messing with her head. She was really looking forward to the weekend and two days sans Sean. Her emotions couldn’t take much more.
She was in her room grabbing the only two suits she owned when he knocked. He was in the most impressive suit to date. It must have been hand-tailored as well, and fit him to perfection. A hint of pec, the idea of bicep, the perfect and broad “v” of his upper body, and even the perfectly sculpted butt. Krista was hot and cold and miserable and turned on all at the same time.
She didn’t bother to smile—she felt too ill from the two types of nerves fighting each other. Sean surveyed everything but what he’d come to see. Krista was a fairly tidy person, but she wasn’t OCD, and his eyes caught her silk nightie, lingered on some undies on the lid of the hamper, dusted her clothes, then her brush, looked at her collection of makeup, looked at each of her perfumes.
She cleared her throat and pointed to the suits, painfully aware that he gazed at her for longer than was necessary.
“These are nice. Hate to say it, but the black one is nicer. You and your black suits. Do you have a soft shirt to go with it?”
“The pink one Marco picked is ready. It’s at the office. So are all the accessories and shoes. I got ‘em last night.”
“Great. Are you going to wear this in or would you rather just bring it? I can drive. I’m giving Ben a ride as well.”
Krista sighed loudly. She didn’t want to ride with him, but it was too late to grab the train. “I’ll just bring it.”
“Krista, are you okay?” Sean asked quietly.
His voice held self-loathing and regret. Krista didn’t need confirmation in his eyes so she looked out the window.
“I’m good. Just stressed. This is only my second presentation.”
After a pregnant pause, thankfully he let it go.
“All set, Ben?” Sean asked as they filed in the car.
“Yes. I just hope Judy has calmed down since yesterday. She really doesn’t want me in that meeting, Sean.”
“We’re using some of your material, so I’m afraid we don’t have a choice.”
All Ben said was, “Yes.”
~*~*~*~
“I hope she holds up,” Ray said quietly as he stood next to Sean in the corner of the conference room.
Sean turned to see what Ray was talking about and saw her. She was in her suit, walking in with her purposeful stride, brimming with knowledge and intelligence, gathering eyes and her crew as she neared. She was magnificent. She looked like a high-powered executive with her determination and poise. Her hair and makeup went perfectly with her clothes and shoes. The only thing out of place was the look of terror on her beautiful face.
“She will. As soon as she starts, she will. Have faith, Ray.”
“I do. It’s just that this is so important and she is so inexperienced.”
“I know, but she rallies. She gets in the zone, and she turns it on. You’ll see.”
Ray nodded slightly, looking over his notes.
Sean matched the nod and said, “I’ll go check on her.”
Sean walked over to her slowly, enjoying the view on the way, not wanting to check on her so much as check in with her. He hadn’t been able to sleep all week. In just two days he’d gotten used to her by his side. Her heat pressed against his. In just two days she’d put her feet in the cement of his foundation, and now the imprint she left constantly reminded him of how much he needed her. What he lacked without her.
“Krista, you are a visi
on,” he said softly as he neared. He didn’t care who heard.
“Not looking so bad yourself, McAdams,” she nervously smiled at him.
“Look,” he said, his eyes connecting with her on a deep and personal level. “I know we have history, and I know I am currently responsible for a lot of hurt, but I would like you to know that I’m here for you. If you need anything at all, as a friend or as an associate, I am here for you. Please ask and I’ll do whatever I can to help. Okay? Please?”
Krista swayed. It was a small movement, barely noticeable, but those words hit the base of her. She was moved, he could see it on her face. She reached up and hugged him. He returned it tightly, wishing he didn’t have to let go.
“You’ll do great,” he whispered in her ear. Then he kissed her cheek as he stepped away.
Krista’s eyes were glassy, as were his. They both knew it had nothing to do with the presentation.
“Can I interrupt?” Ben asked, dissolving the moment.
Sean looked Ben over, noticing his tight shoulders and darting eyes. “Are you nervous?”
Ben shook his head and glanced at Judy. “Sorry Sean, but I think it was a mistake to invite me. Judy is not pleased to share the spotlight.”
“I’ll talk to her—“
“No!” Ben hissed. He tried to melt to Krista’s side, “It’s fine. I’ll just stand close to Krista.”
Sean threw his eyes in Ray’s direction. Judy needed to be sorted out. On a rock-star quality team, she was not pulling her weight. She wasn’t as bright, or gifted, as Sean’s core group. For this presentation, only Ben would do, and if the man was worried about a knife in the ribs, it wouldn’t go off as well as it needed to.
Ray, catching the look, and the scene, made his way in Judy’s direction immediately. They were a good team, and they each knew the score.
“Okay. I can do this,” Krista said, steeling herself, not worried about Ben’s cowering. She shook out her hands like she was about to play basketball.